I always wanted to be a great man, but nothing I was doing was helping, and then I realized that all great men, have sex scandals. This has become so necessary in today's media hype world, that there are companies that will provide a "sex scandal" service to those men who either don't have the time, or talent to create one themselves.

I was very fortunate to "accidentally" fall into one…and it is really hot, steamy, and sleazy…and felt great….read on.


For many years I have asserted that trying to explain about tube circuits, to the average man, is like trying to explain about what it feels like to have sex with an alien…because…the only way to understand, to get, what this is all about is to have a direct experience…because words can't describe abnormal, higher, dimensions of experience.

Now you understand my frustration as the Guildmeister of the Triode Guild and why I am so often depressed and angry over the limitations of words.

But I had a major breakthrough when I was contacted by Steeplechase Jack, who is the leader of music aliens who are now hanging out (once again) on Earth, who demanded that I have sex with one of their breeders. The full story of this encounter is available at WHAT'S IN THE GROOVE?.

Below is the chapter that describes in detail my first sexual encounter with an alien breeder, and before you read it I must point out that contrary to what you have read or seen in the tabloid press or on television, aliens, in their natural form (according to Steeplechase Jack) look like large slabs of Jell-O fruit salad…READ ON.


Coney Island Dreams


FORWARD BUTTON: As I left Katz’s Deli I tried to imagine what was in store for me....how was I going to have sex with an alien breeder who looks like my primal turn-off; a gigantic slab of lime green Jell-O fruit salad....at the Steeplechase Amusement Park in Coney Island? Do you know the mechanical problem of trying to have sex with someone, or something, that doesn't turn you on? Grunt if you know.

Was I going to have to jump off a diving board into a gigantic bowl of quivering Jell-O that would engulf me, suck me dry and then expel me? How does a human male have sex with an alien life form that doesn’t have sex organs? How does an alien life form use my "vinyl DNA" ? Do alien breeders have orgasms? Will she make fun of my Pigley Squigley? What if I can't come, or, I come too soon? Help.

Outside, as a cold wind whipped up Houston Street, I realized that it was in the middle of winter, Coney Island was all closed down, and the Steeplechase Park was demolished forty years ago....Ron Serling...are you listening?

My brain was in such turmoil that I just went home and listened to some of my favorite Django Rhinehart 78s, and puffed deeply on a psychotropic plant…an Ashton Maduro Corona deluxe….for relief.

That night I had a very strange dream. It was filled with the weirdest sound mix I ever heard...street sounds, sounds of the jungle, all kinds of American pop music , church bells ringing, carousel sounds, airplane engines, train whistles, rock and roll and classical music all mixed together, the sounds of ball parks and parades with voices speaking and singing in many different languages...it was like rap music from outer space, and at the end of the dream Jack's smiling face appeared and asked me if I wanted any sauerkraut on my frank.

At 11:30 AM, when I pulled into the parking lot, Coney Island was completely deserted, and it was a frigid, bleak, gray day with an icy wind coming off the ocean. The parking attendant was bundled up so heavily he looked like an Eskimo.

I started to walk where Steeplechase Park was once located, but now there was only a desolate, empty, lot with a fence around it. I saw what looked like a guard’s house attached to the fencing and I walked towards it. I looked in the window and it was empty. I noticed that the insides were in a shambles and littered with broken Mercury vinyl records so I reached for the door knob and the door opened and I stepped inside, and looked around. There was another door leading to the big open deserted lot so I tried the handle and it opened and I stepped into the lot, and .......

"Hey Gizmo"........I am looking at Steeplechase Jack’s big smiling shit-eating grin and it is a warm summer day and Steeplechase Amusement Park is in all of its glory, jam-packed with children running around, thousands of people, and all the noises and perfume of Coney Island with the sea breezes mixed with cotton candy, frankfurters, and candy apples are merging with the blinking lights, the shoving crowd, the music of carousels, calliopes...and I look at all of the people who are.....who are dressed like it is 1948...and it is 1948, and Jack grabs my arm and says...

"Come on Gizmo, there is someone dying to meet you" and he leads me through the crowd and I notice what weird shoes people are wearing and the strange hairdos the women are wearing, and how there isn’t a thin waist line...and then a blaze of light fills my eyes....the kind of light that fills our eyes when we rarely encounter an earth angel........and there in front of me is twenty three year old Rita Hayworth...Rita Hayworth in her prime, as a young ripe starlet...radiating the shining silver screen in her smile and oozing the ooze that only she oozed....and she is wearing a cream colored silk crepe skirt blowing in the breeze, white and brown shoes, and an almost transparent silk blouse. Her red hair swings about her shoulders, her moist lipstick is redder than a candy apple and she runs up to me and gives me a big hug and her two hard buttons of love break open my heart. I breathe deeply her perfume and I roller coaster down into the basement of my trembling thighs and as she is hugging me.... puts her tongue in my ear and wiggles it around and whispers....."Let’s groove Gizmo….you have what I need" . She leads me, and I follow, just like her obedient puppy and I see Jack’s big smiling face......as he is yells out " Bye bye Gizmo have a good trip...see you soon".

PAUSE BUTTON: By now we both know that the aliens are doing a major alteration on my mind because if they have the power to travel back and forth through time and space, they can alter human reality anyway they want. I it is now obvious to all of us that Jack was zapping my mind because he wanted me to breed....but while this was happening...let me assure you that I felt Rita Hayworth’s young hard nipples against my chest and smelled her aroma that melted me, and her skin was creamier than the best fresh whipped cream you ever tasted....so in the moment I wasn’t thinking anything other than...BE HERE NOW IN 1948 WITH A VERY HOT PERFECTLY RIPE RITA HAYWORTH WHO WANTS TO GROOVE (while at the same time young Harvey was sitting at the dinner table staring at a bowl of lime green Jell-O fruit salad, only five miles away). Did I stop and say..."Golly Gee, what a weird hallucination....this is all an illusion and the "thing" that is hot for me is a big glob of green disgusting Jell-O fruit salad". Absolutely not, because, my old shrink Hal always told that when I have experiences like this...just go with flow...you never know where it will take you...so BE HERE NOW. What would you do if you were in that situation...you know where to email me?

FORWARD BUTTON: Rita had her arm around my waist and pointed up at the roller coaster as it climbed higher. Then it slowed as it got to its peak, paused and plunged, hurtling down, filled with screaming voices, lurching around each bend...the clackity, clacking of the wheels, the screams of the people and the whoosh of the cars passed us by....and then it all came to a halt and everyone wobbled out and blazing red headed Rita took me by the hand and lead to the first seat. The man who was taking tickets knew her and just waved us on. As we got into our seat I noticed a small crowd of men in powder blue gabardine suits were...they were all wearing the same suit...and they were getting in the roller coaster cars behind us...and then.... Benny Goodman.... walks up to me, looks me right in the eye, smiles and says..."Hi Gizmo...enjoy the groovy ride", and jumps into the seat right behind us with his clarinet, and as I turn around I see the entire Benny Goodman band with their instruments are taking a roller coaster ride with Rita and me...and the roller coaster starts climbing higher.

And as I look at Rita, whose red hair is ablaze in the summer sun, Benny’s band starts swinging and we are climbing higher to his music, and Rita bends over and kisses me and forces my mouth open with her delicious Hollywood starlet tongue braced with the joy of Wrigley chewing gum as her hand reaches down and unzips my fly and with one graceful dance movement she is sitting on top of me, facing me, her knees up against my chest...her arms around my shoulders...her tongue, the snake of wisdom, is telling me that this will be a roller coaster ride I will never forget as Benny Goodman’s band plays on...and we are climbing and I am melting into Rita Hayworth’s fire mound of love's fondue....and we keep getting higher and higher, and then....we are plunging through space and the G-forces of the cosmos is pushing me deeper and deeper into the place with the Big Bang emerged from the Primal Twang.... we are on auto pilot to oblivion...the Mississippi is flowing into the Nile.... we are being crushed into each other and her arms around me are squeezing me so tight that my tube of raw sienna paint is squeezed out into her naked singularity and Benny Goodman is swinging...and I open my eyes...and we are, me, Rita and the entire Benny Goodman Band are roller-coastering through the stars.......and I look down at the earth.....I am free of gravity, and am craving, with a hunger as large as the cosmos, a Nathan's frank with French fries and a brewsky.

As the roller coaster comes to a rest, the ticket taker throws the big lever and the safety railing lifts and we all wobble out...Benny and his band just smiled and waved good bye. Rita, who is now glowing (slightly green), just took my hand and we walked away....and there was Jack waiting for us...with his big smile......and he asked...

"Did you guys have fun?...Thanks Gizmo...we knew we could count on you...you always come through in a squeeze, and now your wish will come true...because you........ can count on us".

As I walked through the guard house and back into the blustering winter day it occurred to me that while my mother was pregnant she was listening to Benny Goodman's music, and I must have felt her groove…who knows how deep the groove is?

Contrast what happened to me on that Steeplechase roller coast to the depiction of aliens in the movies and tabloid press. Steeplechase Jack knew I was frightened about mating with one of their breeders so did he harm me, or force me, or violate me? No. He did just the opposite, he created absolutely the most perfect "donor" experience for me...one that I might add, I would be glad to repeat almost every other day...and now you know why human females…no longer turn me on. I thought about Steeplechase Jack's commitment to preserving the tonal beauty of vinyl; the foundation of the audio arts. You know how guys like to share the "high" moments of their sexual life. Can anyone tell me a sexual episode that is groovier than making love to Rita Hayworth on a roller coaster that is zooming through outer space while Benny Goodman’s band plays on? After such an experience, what would your response be to human females..or digital music?

I can’t be the only one who has had this experience. Email and let me know about your experience. It is terrifying to think that I am the only one who had this type of experience.



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