STOP BEING A SPEAKER VICTIM: SEND A LETTER

Okay I admit it. I may be a little "strange" when it comes to this issue. But years of therapy have taught me to be emotionally honest and I am pissed and for a good reason..."I feel your pain". My most frequent email (hundreds every month) is your lament on not being able to buy the right speakers for your tube amps....and you are right....

And one other point that really pisses me off...six mediocre drivers doesn’t equal one good one...if you get what I mean......six lawn mower motors stacked on top of each other doesn’t equal one Harley-Davidson motor.

MAKE SHIT HAPPEN

The only way to get what you need in life is to make shit happen, and by and large what you need (because of your advanced aesethetic sensibilities) is not yet available in America because there are so few speakers which are properly designed for those beautiful single-ended triode amplifiers that you cream over. If you think waiting around with a soldering iron up your butt is going to change this, then I suggest you change the brand of solder flux you are snorting. And if you assume that your favorite monkey coffin maker is aware of what is going on in the world, then it is time for you to wake up and dig the fact that we are dealing with the high end audio business which is peopled by propeller heads that pride themselves in being disconnected from its customers.

DO NOT FIRE BOMB YOUR LOCAL HI FI EMPORIUM. DO NOT SLASH THE WOOFERS OF THOSE FOUR OHM SPEAKERS. SEND AN E-MAIL LETTER.... is my advice to your favorite monkey coffin maker. A letter can perform magic. If enough of you send them, major shit will happen, and the very good news is that there is no postage. To make your life easier and to perform another one of the grand services that I perform as Guildmeister, I have created some "model" letters for you to use. Use which one works and fits your identify. Modify it, and personalize it. Now there is no excuse for not taking your triode destiny in your hands.

VERSION ONE

Dear Great and Wise Priest of The Temple of Monkey Coffins,

I have been a big admirer of your work, but as you know the Internet is making us plebeian music maniacs much smarter and we are discovering that speakers that are optimal for tube amplifiers are very different than speakers that are optimal for transistor amplifiers. I notice that your speakers are designed primarily for transistor amplifiers with their low impedance and relatively low efficiency. Didn’t I notice that your speakers dip down to 2 ohms in the critical bass region? I am sure that these speakers are quite acceptable for those who like the grungy, metallic, compressed, unmusical quality of those transistor amplifiers, and I hope you sell lots of them.

But, wouldn’t it be a good idea to manufacture speakers for the growing body of tube lovers who have a more refined sense of music, and therefore demand a higher degree of refinement. As you know this means better quality magnets...we hate those cheap ceramic/ferrites. We now know that there is no problem with designing higher efficiency and higher impedance speakers....if you care. Let me assure you that we are all prepared to sacrifice some low end response for a much higher quality midrange, and we will open our hearts and our wallets to you.

May I also suggest the old orthodoxy is over, and we want much more information about the drivers you use in your cabinets. We have become painfully aware that while we spend thousands of dollars on electronics, and speaker cables, and even though our speakers may cost thousands of dollars, the total drivers cost may be under one hundred dollars.....Can you understand how this would upset us, and how having more information about the drivers you use would be helpful?

As soon as you have these new speakers ready please contact me and I will rush down to my local hi fi emporium and audition them. Thank you for your time and consideration.

VERSION TWO:

YOU MAY USE THIS LETTER ONLY IF YOU ARE

OFFICIAL MEMBER OF THE HELL’S ANGELS

Dear Dumb Monkey Coffin Maker,

The game is over for you. No more bogus bullshit tolerated. The Internet has caught you with your pants down. We are angry and we aren’t going to take it anymore. If you are deaf and can only design speakers for transistor amplifiers, then hire someone who knows what music sounds like and have them design speakers for tube amplifiers...and don’t try to fuck our heads up with claims that 4 ohm/84db speakers are cool for tube amplifiers. Wake up before it is too late. We want speakers that are optimal for tube amplifiers are we are ready to pay. Contact me when you wake up, get your hearing aid fixed, and when your new speakers are ready for audition.

So no more excuses. No more whining. Be brave. Do something. Make some good shit happen.

 

 

 

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