THE BOSE WAVE RADIO
I love watching Oprah, while eating Godiva chocolates, and doing my nails. Up pops a Bose Wave Radio/CD commercial on the TV and I couldn't believe my eyes .all of sudden the Bose table radio grew taller than my Tannoy horns and didn't stop growing it was over three stories tall, and then the announcer asserts that the sound was truly amazing NO COMPROMISES!!!!
PAUSE BUTTON: The most common question that is emailed to me is.."Dear Dr. Gizmo I am a poor starving audiomaniac, can you an recommend an affordable system that gets close to the performance of yours?".
FORWARD: Could the Bose Wave Radio/CD be the price/performance breakthrough that would satisfy my bros' dreams? Was it possible that for under $400 Bose had created THE WORLD'S FIRST SOUND SYSTEM WITH NO COMPROMISES that was no bigger than a loaf of bread? I heard rumors that the Bose Corp. does not like critical reviews of its products, and even sues magazines that make any negative comments, but as a disabled Army vet, who has brain damage, and is hard of hearing, I couldn't imagine Bose taking legal action against me even though I am the most critical audio reviewer in the Marvel Universe.
Because I wanted to be completely neutral, accurate and objective I decided to test this Bose gizmo both on my test bench, which has some of the most sophisticated and unusual test equipment, and with a wide variety of inputs "out in the field": to be fair. Julian Hirsch taught me everything I know about audio testing.
THE TEST BEGINS
When the DUT (Device Under Test) arrived I immediately got into my very rusty 1983 Chevy Vega (which I use for driving into New York City) and headed towards Yankee Stadium, which I rented.
I noticed something very unusual as I was driving, because this was the first time that I could swear that my rust bucket felt just like I was driving a brand new Rolls Royce Corniche. This was so exciting that my glands were pumped and I got an ache for some real man's gourmet food, so I stopped at Mc Donald's an ordered a 99 cent Big Mac and a Coke, and I couldn't believe what was happening in my mouth: the Big Mac tasted just like a perfectly barbecued Kansas City dry aged filet mignon .and the Coke tasted just like the finest French Champagne.
Feeling much better I turned on Yankee Stadium's lights, and placed the DUT on home plate, put in my WOODSTOCK CD, and ran all the way out to center field, and then climbed up to the top of the bleachers, and with the DUT's remote control, pushed PLAY.
Any of you gifted listener's who weren't there when we all came together with Joe Cocker, Santana, Richie Havens, Janis, Jimmi, et al with the writhing mud-caked naked bodies, floating on a wave rock and roll ecstasy look no further. Not only was the DUT able to reproduce concert levels of rock and roll.. that completely filled Yankee Stadium .it was able to accurately reproduce the aroma of sweating bodies, oceans of beer, and burning hemp. This was the first DUT that was (for under $400) able to accurately reproduce the Woodstock experience WITH NO COMPROMISES. Awesome.
ON THE TEST BENCH
As you know there are no tests for scientifically measuring musical quality. Noise tests can be a helpful guide for audio designers, but communicates zilch, nada for the consumer. We all know this so in my frustration I developed some unique ways of testing audio equipment, which have remained secret until now, and explains why all of the New York Audio Labs products reached such a high state of refinement and why my recent innovations are truly edge of art. This doesn't mean that I don't use FFT spectrum analysis, or very high speed/wide bandwidth HP distortion analyzers I just go much further, deeper, and wider.
You will note that I also give the comparative test results for my highly modified Tannoy speakers and 4th Wave Modality amplifiers as a way for you to compare the relative quality of the Bose Wave Radio.
TEST FOR STRIDENCY: Most DUT's fail this test miserably. This test is so difficult that even John Atkinson and Martin Colloms are terrified of it. To conduct this test I had to create a unique input signal: I used a four track Ampex 350 tube tape recorder with highly modified electronics and Neuman U-47 microphones to record the complaints of a gaggle of hysterical Jewish housewives suffering from PMS and having a bad hair day. I then feed this signal directly into the DUT. Bose: 98.634, Gizmo's system: 23.512
TEST FOR HONKINESS: How can we measure the relative honkiness of speakers? Traveling all the way up to Canada by dog sled and sitting in a duck blind during a snow storm to record the sound of Canadian Geese .. indicates how serious I am about this extremely demanding test. I used a Nagra Digital tape recorder and Schoepps shotgun microphone to capture true state of the art sound of honkiness. The question is..does the DUT have the same quality as Canadian Geese? Bose 92.456, Gizmo's system 33.479
RESONANCE TEST: Because all speakers resonate I wanted to create a valid test. I traveled to Moscow, and rented Tchaikowsky Hall, which is the best sounding space I have ever heard and hired the world renowned 100 person MOSCOW KAZOO ENSEMBLE to play Humperdink's Prelude and Fugue in F, and recorded this direct to disc at 45 rpm, using RCA ribbon mics. This is a very difficult test because most DUT melt when they are asked to reproduce the dynamics of one hundred buzzing Kazoos. Bose 96.781, Gizmo's system: 8.342
POT ROAST GURGLE TEST: Being able to reproduce the subtle sounds of a cooking pot roast is very difficult, but is an essential aptitude for any sound system that is designed for the kitchen. I use David Chesky's master tape of his mother cooking a pot roast for this test. Bose 89.432, Gizmo's system: 33.457
As you can see the results are shocking: in every test parameter the Bose performed better than my system. That is right. Every Bose marketing claim is absolutely true. Their three pound plastic sound system is able of creating the music quality of the three story tall music system they portray in their ads. This is the first audio devices that has no compromises!!!!
Does it matter to me that the Bose Wave Radio/CD performs better than my system? Not at all, because mine weighs more and costs much more, and sound quality really doesn't matter anyway.
I highly recommend this product because it is the first product I have tested that is perfect.
e-mail Dr. Harvey "Gizmo" Rosenberg: firstname.lastname@example.org
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