I DISCOVER THE WORLD'S COOLEST UNDER $70 AUDIO GIZMO AND TEST IT ON GISELE, THE BRAZILIAN SUPER MODEL
Chances are high that you are a newbie to the Triode Guild web site because its virus is infecting/growing so rapidly. Many of you are wondering how Dr. Gizmo, your fearless Guildmeister, become one of the world's most influential "voices" on audio technology so let me clarify.
It is NOT because I was responsible for a number of significant breakthroughs in audio circuits that have become classics and won every significant award all over the world for excellence. It is NOT because my reference system, the system I use for evaluating audio gizmos, is without equal..and completely non-commercial meaning possesses less compromises than all store bought equipment. It is NOT because I would rather die than write one of those disgustingly boring "normal" audio reviews. It is NOT because I am a renowned writer and author. It is NOT because I have the most sensitive hearing in the audio business, because I had a bat ear transplant in Switzerland. It is NOT because of my multiple decades of experimentation with audio gizmos.
None of the above explains why I have achieved such legendary status (in my own mind). If there is ONE FACTOR that explains my unparalleled authority it is my commitment to testing audio gizmos in a way that no other audio reviewer/critic can, because they don't possess the intellectual integrity or creative powers of the Guildmeister of the Triode Guild and my test results and conclusions about the current DUT (device under test) will prove my point to you all.
LET US BEGIN AT THE BEGINNING
I was re-reading Carl Jung's classic book, Synchronicity, and decided to take a break so I went to Borders Bookstore and bought a copy of June issue of The Absolute Sound. When I got home I discovered that Harry Pearson had compiled a new $177,000 reference system.
I had two responses: (1) Not my cup of borscht, and (2) my high octane competitive testosterone started to pump because I am red, white and blue American male I too want to impress my readers with how cool I am because I too am a "normal" homo sapien meaning I too love to "tool compete" and win.
How was I going to compete with HPs $177K reference system and win the hearts and minds of my readers? As I went into a deep gizmological meditation I went to my computer, and by accident (there are no accidents according to Jung) I discovered .PAUSE.
One of the benefits of hanging out with the Triode Guild tribe is that you will discover that we are a gaggle of High IQ men who know how to make the distinction between Mr.Dorc/Mr. Robb Report Tools of Ecstasy Strategies which is all about "He Who Spends The Most Money Wins NOT", and being in the know like a 1941 Ford Woody eats a brand new Rolls Royce.
So the notion of suggesting that the way to beat HP, at his own game, was to outspend him, which is easy to do just wouldn't cut our tribal mustard. The bros' of the Triode Guild demand much more than a shopping cop-out.
So there I am looking at my computer screen beholding once again, the meaning of synchronicity, and a possible gizmological strategy that will absolutely dominate HP's reference system.
THE ULTIMATE TEST
To be honest I wouldn't have had the confidence to email Gisele, the ultra-hot Brazilian super-model, http://www.sexy-supermodels.com/gisele-bundchen/ who is very tight with Leonard di Caprio, unless I had read the hot new rave book, The Myth of Monogamy, Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People, by Barash/Lipton,
But because of my responsibility to you, my bros' I emailed Gisele,
I would love to make you dinner and explore the deepest dimensions of beauty with you.
Two days later:
Where? What time?
So I started to prepare for our "test" dinner and started organizing my most "beloved/sensitive" CDs
LET'S GET REAL: REALITY SCRATCHES
Chances are you own skads of CDs, and there are a large number that have become your personal classics you can't get enough of them they are your daily nourishment or you can't start the day with them or you can't make love without them..and they are scratched and many of them skip. Reality scratches and it drives us bonkers.
On a more nitty gritty level these scratches may be equivalent to burning up $15 worth of green salami.
To save the soul of these scratched lovelies I have experimented with everything from car wax to baby oil with consistent failures..meaning I have a pile of disabled CDs representing a significant loss of emotional nourishment and green salami.
THE SUPER MODEL TEST:
THE ULTIMATE AUDIO TEST OF COOLOSITY
First thing we do is hide all of our audio magazines because they will brand us as "nerd/dorc". I spread lots of those little snooty esoteric literary review magazines all over my cocktail table.
How would you impress Gisele with how cool you are? You know this Goddess is too cool to be impressed by "normal" gizmos no matter their high cost. Rolls Royces, double Rolexes, HP audio systems, mega 18.5 channel home theater systems wont impress her. Let us not forget this truth: money can't buy coolosity.
But what about $60 smackeroos? That's right. You are not reading an error. What about using a $60 audio gizmo that is much cooler than a $177K audio system and catapulting yourself to the top of the tribal hierarchy of gizmological coolosity which will transform any love Goddess of your dreams into a bowl of warm chocolate pudding?
I can now report, based on my dinner date with Gisele, that the SKIPDOCTOR MD is a Goliath of Coolosity http://www.digitalinnovations.com/products/skipdoctormd.html this
totally awesome electric powered hand held tool for removing most of the scratches from our CDs. Which makes a very erotic type of whirring sound that super-models love and more. I think its color and design stimulates the best a super model has to offer.
SCENE: OUR DINNER DATE: Gisele sits down on the couch, and after pouring her a glass of Cuvee Dom Perignon 1954, I whipped out my SKIPDOCTOR MD, plugged it in, and said.as I noticed how sheer her silk blouse was "Nothing is more important to me than subtle beauty my whole life is devoted to the search for profound ecstasy".
I then took my favorite, and much scratched Britney Spear CDs and snap it into the SKIPDOCTOR MD, and before I could demonstrate how the restored CD sounded Gisele said "That beautiful whirring sound coming from the SKIPDOCTOR MD reminds me of the rhythmic tones of Verlane's and Rimbaud's poetry"..and with a moist dewy look in her eyes she proceeded to recites some lines for me in French.
Am I making progress? Have I got your attention?
I then placed the now restored CD into my CD player and as OOPS, I DID IT AGAIN started playing my dream Goddess of Love jumped up and started doing Britney's MTV video dance routine while mouthing the words and doing her best to imitate what only virgin teenage girls loins can do when they are being paid millions of dollars to fake it.
Am I making progress? Have I still got your attention?
Gisele was now covered with so much sweat that her blouse was transparent. She plopped back down on my couch and said "Gizmo I am really hot and ready..give me all of your scratched CDs so I can feel the thrill of using the SKIPDOCTOR MD".
Gisele took my Keith Jarett playing The Goldberg Variations CD that looked like I had ice skated across it hundred times and slipped into the SKIPDOCTOR MD and processed it, and then polished the CD with the polishing cloth. Did she now have a virgin CD? No, but Gisele had a CD which had most of its scratches removed and was miraculously restored.
Gisele asked, as she sipped the champagne, "Will this machine restore all of my CDs that skip?"
I responded, "No guarantees here, but let's get real. For the cost of less than four CDs you can revitalize your CD collection with one caveat. You will have to buy more "polishing liquid" than is supplied with the unit".
The moment had finally arrived. That moment that we know, but can't describe when the miracle of ecstasy between a man and women when two souls merge into one was about to emerge. Giselle reached over to me and.....
LEGAL PAUSE: As you know before I post any articles I send them to my lawyer for review and approval. He immediately responded and told me that if I posted the complete version of this article I would have to increase my "liability" insurance policy because some of you might have heart failure and sue me.
This left me with no choice but to:
CLOSING SUMMARY: It is not easy being a man. The social/tribal pressure on us is enormous. The reality is that most of our cherished CDs need love and care. Love Goddess and super models are not impressed by big expensive audio system but are impressed by sensitive men who care about beauty and care about their CDs and they love, as you know, holding beautiful whirring things in their hand.
Have you got the message from the world;s leading authority on audio gizmos? Buy the SKIPDOCTOR.MD now. Give one to your bro' or your father as a gift. The fact that you can also use to repair your computer software CD is also cool.
Over and out from Music Hyper-Space.
e-mail Dr. Harvey "Gizmo" Rosenberg: firstname.lastname@example.org
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