SPECULATION ON THE MIND ALTERING EFFECTS
WARNING: THERMIONIC TECHNO-SHAMAN ALBERT: THE PREMISE OF THIS ARTICLE IS THAT THE FUNCTION OF AN AUDIO SYSTEM IS TO INDUCE A SELF HYPNOTIC TRANCE, AND WHY DIRECTLY HEATED TRIODES ARE SO EFFECTIVE AT THIS TASK. THIS ARTICLE IS STRICTLY OFF LIMITS TO THOSE WHO ARE SEEKING MUSICAL ACCURACY BECAUSE THEY ARE ALMOST DEAD BRAINY WHITE AUDIO PROFESSORS WHO CANT DANCE. AT THE END OF THIS ARTICLE YOU WILL BE OFFERED A NEW SERVICE THAT COULD SAVE YOU YEARS OF PAIN AND SUFFERING AND THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.
There are only two things we can be absolutely sure of in terms of audio: audio systems are chaos system; no one has ever measured an audio systems music quality, and we dont have a clue about how humans experience music.
The current audio revolution is all about a change in our collective music mind and how we approach the audio arts...this is a brave new mind because it has cast off its crust of moldy audio cheese and is prepared to wipe the slate clean and begin at the beginning by asking the most fundamental questions about the audio arts.
I am asserting here that the place we must start is within the our body, and that means paying attention not only to our ears, but our scalp, chest, stomach, testicles, (or, our Sacred Oven of Life, if you have one) thighs, legs and toes...in other words, we are going to pay much attention to the pure physicality of music..we are going to re-establish the primacy of our bodys wisdom..and not the intellectual analysis of our home aural matrix. Turn off the mind that is interested in comparing micro-dynamics to mini-dynamics to teensy-beensy mouse dynamics.
It naturally follows that because your DNA is completely unique and your body chemistry is completely unique and your emotional/spiritual experience is completely unique and you are a products of a completely unique social/cultural metacontext that what makes you cream more economically is totally unique. This means that only you know what gets you off musically, and it is your responsibility to figure out what collection of chaotic audio gizmos sets off all the right triggers. And if you are relying on someone else to be an authority over your ecstasy then it is time play hooky from audio and take up hockey.
THE ART OF SELF-HYPNOSIS
What is the ideal audio system for you...you glorious unique musical loving gifted listener? The answer is obvious...one that you create that self-hypnotizes you. Or said differently: The function of an audio system is to be a tool of your self-hypnosis...and nothing is a more noble and intimate artistic pursuit than that.
This implies that the only question that has integrity in the audio arts is: Does this equipment help me induce a deeper state of hypnosis? (Not... is this piece of equipment accurate?)
Why do I use the expression of self-hypnosis? For two reasons...the first is that you are completely and totally responsible for this process, which means it is the most intimate form of self-knowledge. It implies that you have acquired a very refined sense of your musical soul. I am willing to bet you my complete collection of Victorias Secret Limited Editor Claudia Schiffer Underwear, that there are no words possible to describe this intimate self-knowledge. The way you know it is by years and years of struggling to create the perfect self-reflective audio system, one capable of inducing an altered state of being, where the mind filled with barriers and walls dissolves and you and music merge into the sacred music cream from whence you came.
WHY THE MASTERS USE DIRECTLY HEATED TRIODES
Let us never again talk about perfection unless we are talking about trout fishing in New Zealand, lets instead accept the facts of life of audio...when you have the right combination of distortion magic happens...you are able to induce self-hypnosis. I now posture that the single most important element in the self-hypnosis process is a profile of harmonic distortion that is perfect for you. This may seem an ass-backwards way to approach the audio arts, but it is reality. This also explains why the world is going gah gah over these ancient tubes in their modern form...there is something about the distortion profile of these tubes that makes them extremely powerful hypnotic tools.
We all know that transistors can produce vanishing low levels of distortion, which is what they are really good at...but when it comes to authentic music.....????? So what does that tell us about the pursuit of perfectly low distortion?
When I compare my single-ended triodes to my push/pull amplifiers it is obvious that the single-ended amps are much higher in distortion, but the kind of distortion they make is positively hypnotic....and I believe this explains why the highest IQ segment of the tribe is flocking to these technically feeble circuits...If it taste like watermelon, and If it smells like watermelon, and it looks like watermelon, I dont care what you call it...it is watermelon. If it feels like authentic music...it must be, and anyone who tells me that what I am experiencing is not authentic should renew their membership in the Nazi party.
Single-ended directly heated triode amplifiers are a very bitter pill for many down the middle audio engineers to accept...they make no sense to a world dominated by osciliscopes........which some believe know more about music than our testicles.
NOW LET US TAKE A PAUSE FOR SOME CRITICAL COMMENTS FROM THOSE WHO ARE HOLDING ON TO THEIR MOLDY AUDIO CHEESE:
Boy are you stupid. Everyone knows that lower distortion is better than higher distortion, which is why a Panasonic receiver with .000000001 % distortion should sound better than your stupid single-ended amp that may have more than 5% distortion.
Mr. Audio Engineer.
Dear Dr. Gizmo,
You are a dangerous anarchist, and you are confusing customers. People want to be told what to do and what to buy, so stop confusing them by making this such a personal process.
Mr. Pissed Off Store Owner
Dear Dr. Gizmo,
What kind of weirdo are you? Whats this shit about self-hypnosis. State of the art audio equipment is supposed to accurately reproduce the sound of the New York Philharmonic is our living rooms. Shape up and get back on board before they take you away to Nutville.
NOW BACK TO OUR ILLUSION
The best of you know best how to create the music illusion in your living room that disconnects you from earthly gravity and lets your musical soul ascend. All of our struggling to create a completely dematerial art form serves our need to become dematerial ourselves. And again this explains the ascendancy of directly heated triodes...they are supercharged tools that shatter our gravity bonds and permits us to float freely.
You are in charge of your illusion...and that includes your religion, your ideas about love, who you marry and your audio system, and when you read one of those intellectually despotic arguments that tells you why one type of circuit is better than another...pause for a moment...and remember..... you are really reading an article about WHAT YOU SHOULD LOVE! It is important to be well educated, but four million years of human development has gotten us to the point of humility where we are confident enough to discount all of the SHOULD LOVE that surrounds us. Our music heart is too powerful to be bossed around.
YOU SHOULD NOT LOVE SINGLE-ENDED TRIODES. YOU SHOULD LOVE TRANSISTOR AMPS. YOU SHOULD LOVE DIGITAL. YOU SHOULD BE A GOOD BOY AND OBEY THE REALLY SMART AUDIO ENGINEERS.
Or, you will struggle to create exactly the right combination of audio gizmos that so deeply effect the cream filled regions of your soul that you will dissolve into the One Harmonic Which is Many. Which is why all over the world so many are flocking to directly heated triodes....just watch the swinging crystal...your eyes are getting heavy...your eyes are getting heavy.....
A NEW TRIODE GUILD URINE ANALYSIS SERVICE
I recognize that this will confuse many, especially those who are just beginning to explore this process of artistic self-expression. You rightfully ask....If there is no authority, who will guide me, when I am such a novice? I recognize this problem so I am starting a new service for the novice.
Just send me a small bottle of your urine with a $100 bill ( cash only, no checks) and I will analyze your unique body chemistry and advise you on what kind of audio equipment to buy. This is the only right way for any one to recommend equipment because it is based on what is completely unique about you, and completely obsoletes anyones recommended component list. This fee does not include any pregnancy tests or tests for rare and incurable diseases.
Those wise guys who have been sending me horse and chicken urine to test the integrity of my process have discovered....my taste buds are too refined to be fooled.
Hippies were right when they said...Do your thing...because when it comes to the audio arts....it is only thing worth doing.
e-mail Dr. Harvey "Gizmo" Rosenberg: firstname.lastname@example.org
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